“I would say for the past… I guess, technically, the past 10 years of my life… but I would say more so for the past couple years, I’ve been kind of dealing with a lot of anxiety, a lot of stress, stuff like that.
“And I’ve kind of just, you know, buried it and pushed it away and just, like, ignored it. And then recently, probably about a month ago – a couple of months ago – it just started getting really, really bad.
“And I’ve been having, like, episodes where I can’t sleep, like, every time I go to fall asleep, I’ll just jump awake and I’ll be, like, literally sitting there shaking. And so it’s made it to where I can’t really sleep, therefore I don’t really have much of an appetite or find much enjoyment in anything, really.
“So I went to a doctor and basically was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and depression – yay me, sweet – which is something that I’ve known I’ve kind of been dealing with for a while now, but I guess just hearing it, like, officially from a doctor made it seem so much more real.
“So, I don’t know, I guess I’m just letting you guys know I’m kind of dealing with that right now. I’m still gonna be doing videos because, well, it’s my job. Most people when they go through stuff like this don’t have the luxury of just not working. [Chuckles]
“And I feel that I find a lot of joy in my work and I don’t want to stop working – so yeah, I’m gonna keep doing videos, that’s not gonna go away and I’m gonna probably find a lot of enjoyment in that as well, and try and channel some of my stress into that.
“I have a good support system – I’m gonna get through it, you know – I’m gonna beat it, for sure. I don’t know how long it’s gonna take, I guess, to really kind of mentally come through and get to the other side of it, but it’s something I’ve been dealing with for years and it’s just slowly gotten progressively worse because I haven’t really acknowledged that it was a problem.
“So I guess now I’m acknowledging it, and I’m just letting you guys know that’s kind of what I’m dealing with right now and if I seem different, struggling a little bit, in future videos or whatever, like – I just want you guys to know what’s going on with me.
“And this isn’t, like, a sympathy thing. I know there are millions of people who deal with this and I’m just another one who’s dealing with it.
“But I don’t know, I guess, in the same way, I feel that I should just say if any of you are dealing with any type of anxiety, anxiety disorder or depression, you’re definitely not alone.
“Like, you know, when I kind of first said something about this, a lot of people were just, like, ‘I never expected that – you’re just so happy all the time and goofy,’ and you know…
“It’s easy to, like, put on ‘the face,’ I guess, and it’s also the thing with, like, I don’t know – anxiety and depression – is, like, I have, you know, mood swings where one day is, like, a good day – it’s a great day – and then the next day is a terrible day and it’s just, there’s no consistency, really; it’s either really good or really bad.
“I think that’s the hardest thing for me to deal with, so I’m gonna deal with it. And that’s basically it, that’s all I really wanted to say. I’m gonna keep doing music, I’m gonna keep working on stuff because that’s definitely an outlet for me but if I seem different or if things slow down a little bit, please just be patient with me.
“I’m just gonna try and focus on getting my mental health a little bit better and I just wanted you guys to know that. So anyways, thank you guys so much for sticking with me and putting up with all the crap that I go through all the time. So, thanks, I love you guys and I hope that you’re well.
“And again, if you’re dealing with depression or anxiety, you know, deal with it, don’t ignore it. You’re not alone and there’s ways to get through it and yeah – it happens to the best of us. So, I love you guys, I’ll see you later.”