In a recent interview with Jorge Botas from Portugal’s Metal Global, Marko Hietala was asked whether he has any regrets about departing from NIGHTWISH back in 2021.
”Of course. I was regretting it already when I was leaving,” Marko said (as transcribed by Blabbermouth). “But it was not just NIGHTWISH. I’ve said this quite a few times, that I actually left everything. My trouble with depression and anxiety was constant. It just wouldn’t go away and had gotten worse and worse and worse during the years. And I grit my teeth and held on until I felt that — yeah, it was when COVID was over, started to be over, and they said that, ‘Okay, we got these plans for the spring and then these plans for touring’ and all that. And then I kind of realized, ‘I don’t want to go. I’m feeling too bad. And if I go on the road, it’s just gonna be a stress. I’m gonna be alone.”
“Everybody’s got their own survival methods [when it comes to being on tour] — they’ve gotta have them and all that — so I figured, ‘I cannot do it.’ And at the same time, I was also already looking kind of vaguely if there would be a place where I could escape to some winter months because the darkness was making the depression and anxiety worse and all that. And then I kind of realized that ‘I wanna leave everything, all the responsibilities, everything. I need to find out what’s wrong with me.’ So I kind of came just to Spain to get away from everything, everyone I know, except for the wife and the dog. And then I was talking to psychiatrists here in Spain, there in Finland, through video and all that. And then one of them just suggested that ‘you might have ADHD [attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder].’ I’m, like, ‘How the f** does it relate to depression and anxiety?’ ‘Well, it does. Read about it.’ And I did. Yep. And it’s that feeling of difference that you do not match the other people’s capabilities of handling their daily tasks or whatever. And I was just always lost — everything was a mess and all that. And what do you know? There it is — the ADHD. And it makes you, as a social creature, a tribal creature, that kind of a thing, the social isolation, it’s a slow way to death. We know that loneliness is a killer. Well, yeah, but I kind of learned to deal with it ever since I was a kid. But it doesn’t really make it necessarily easier. It had its consequences. And I was like that: ‘Nothing I ever do will make anything any better. Everything is grey and worthless. And I am too.’ That was the thing that had been growing on me. So, when this ADHD thing came up, then I read about it, went to the neuropsychological test and all that, and yep, I got it.
Marko left NIGHTWISH in January 2021 explaining in a statement that he hadn’t “been able to feel validated by this life for a quite a few years now.” He has since been replaced by bassist Jukka Koskinen (WINTERSUN), who made his live debut with NIGHTWISH in May 2021 at the band’s two interactive experiences.
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